Crimson Bow and Arrow
by taryn0614
Summary: Charlie Jaeger, an older female cousin of Eren, shares her life in the Survey Corps in the form of a personal journal. Tales of lies, a kidnapping, love, and death fill the reader's curiosity with every word.
1. Journal Entry: 1

Journal Entry: One

September 3, 842

 _Erwin came by today. As soon as I opened the door, I knew something was wrong. The energy around him was not his normal, happy, and stoic energy. It was one of despair. The look on his face confirmed it. I let him in and noticed that he was carrying a package._

 _"Is Macon here as well?" he asked._

 _"No. He's over at our uncle's house. He should be back shortly. Do you want me to make you some tea while you wait?" I asked, turning towards the kitchen._

 _"No. Thank you. I must be quick. There are a few more stops I need to make before dark."_

 _"Oh. Okay. Well, um, what is it you that you need to say?"_

 _"You might want to sit down," he said quietly._

 _We walked together into the living room where we both took a seat on the couch._

 _"You know that you and your brother have been around the Survey Corps for most of your life, and you know that you two are like family to us. We would do absolutely nothing to hurt you guys-"_

 _I cut him off. "Erwin, just say it. I don't care what it is, just say it."_

 _He took a deep breath. "Your mother and father—they were both killed today during the expedition. I'm so sorry," he said sorrowfully and hung his head._

 _There was a slight moment of silence until I broke it by asking how they died._

 _"Are you sure you want to know? I don't want you to be having nightmares."_

 _"Erwin, I am eighteen years old. I am not a child anymore. Now, please, tell me."_

 _"Your mother was decapitated by a Titan. Your father—your father had his legs bitten off and bled to death." I sat there, absorbing what he said. "Here," he said, handing me the package._

 _I took the package and looked up at Erwin. Tears pricked his eyes as he tried to keep his feelings contained. Mom and Dad were close friends to Erwin, and their death was clearly tearing him apart. I had only seen Erwin cry once before in my lifetime, and it was when he was supposed to be looking over me when I was about five years old. I played dead and acted out the part a little too well. When he found out that I was just playing, he got so angry with me._

 _I opened the package and at first, I thought it was just some bloody, green cloth. I took the cloth out and saw that it was my mother's cloak. I could only tell it was hers by the blood stains near the neck._

 _It became so surreal in that one moment. The dam broke, tears poured down my cheeks. Gross sobs came from me as I buried my face in the cloak. It still smelled like her: warm vanilla and brown sugar. After a moment, I stifled the sobs, wiped my nose with my sleeve, and looked up at Erwin. His face was red and puffy as he wiped a silent tear away._

 _"The burning of the bodies will occur at sunset. We would like it if you and Macon were attend."_

 _The front door opened and closed, and Macon walked in. He saw our red faces._

 _"What's going on?" he asked._

 _Erwin stood up and looked at me as I stood up as well. "I should leave you two be. I need to make the rest of my stops. Will I see you two tonight?"_

 _"Yes," I responded quietly._

 _Erwin walked away and out the door, giving my brother a saddened look. Macon looked back at him with a slightly confused look. After Erwin closed the door, Macon ran up to me._

 _"What is going on?" he asked again, only this time, he was more anxious._

 _"Um," I sniffled. "Macon, Mom and Dad are dead," I choked. "They died during the expedition. Erwin just came by to tell us, and he brought their cloaks. Dad's is on the couch." I burst into tears once more and held Mom's cloak to my chest._

 _Macon pushed past me to the parchment. He just stood there, staring at the blood covered cloak. He just stood there. The tears came and then the gasps for air. Sobs racked his body. I walked over to him and gave him the tightest hug ever._

 _My brother and I are thicker than blood, and being a twin just makes our connection even stronger. Most of the time, we can feel each others feelings even when we are not together. The emotions today and probably for a long while will run high. Our emotions in that moment ran so deep, we both felt double the sadness._

 _Honestly, I didn't want to go to the mass funeral tonight, but I did...for my brother. He had a stronger bond with our parents than I ever did, and I knew he would want to go, so I put on a brave face and went for him._

 _Before we went, I filled the washbasin with hot water and placed in the cloaks. We couldn't just have bloody cloaks lying around the house. We then got dressed in slightly better clothes and made our way to headquarters._

 _When we got there, bodies were still being out in a pile. At one point, I overheard that it was almost half of the soldiers. Family members of the other soldiers started to arrive, most of them fell to the ground in a heap of sadness at the sight of the bodies. There were just so many. I looked away to keep from accidentally seeing Mom or Dad. I could feel the tears coming once more, but I held them back. I then saw a face that I would not have expected to see: Uncle Grisha. I tapped Macon on the shoulder and gestured towards our uncle, our dad's brother._

 _"Let's go talk to him," I suggested._

 _Macon nodded in agreement, and we walked over._

 _"Hi, Uncle Grisha," Macon said._

 _He adverted his gaze from the bodies over to us._

 _"Macon, Charli, how are you two holding up?" he asked us._

 _"About what you'd expect us to be, I guess," I said._

 _"Is Eren here?" Macon asked, looking around._

 _"No," Uncle Grisha said. "Carla didn't want Eren to come. She didn't want him to be scarred for life or anything. Plus, you know exactly how she feels about the Survey Corps."_

 _We nodded in agreement. Our little cousin, Eren, looked up to our father. He was constantly over at our house, especially when our parents were home. One time, Macon and I sneaked him over to headquarters, but Aunt Carla found out and gave us a good scolding. We never tried to sneak him over again after that._

 _"I'm honestly surprised she allowed you over here," I noted._

 _"Well, I am a grown man, Charli. I can go where I want to when I want to," he said in a smart-alack tone._

 _I never really did like Uncle Grisha. There was just something about him that made me uneasy._

 _"Well, okay. I'm going to, um, go find Erwin," I said and walked off._

 _It wasn't technically a lie. I did want to find Erwin to see how he was doing and to see if I could cheer him up, but I mainly just wanted to get away from my uncle. As I looked around to find the blonde leader, I accidentally bumped into someone. It was Levi._

 _"Oh. Sorry, Levi," I said._

 _"It's alright," he said, which caught me off guard._

 _He usually wasn't as nice, but my guess is that he must know how I felt and bad memories kept flooding back to him._

 _"Um, have you seen Erwin around?"_

 _"No, he has not made it back yet. He must still be out telling the family members."_

 _"Oh. Okay then. Thanks anyway."_

 _Levi then started to walk off._

 _"Wait, Levi," I said in his direction. He stopped and turned around._

 _Suddenly, we heard, "Pour the gasoline!" and then "Light the match!" The pile of bodies went up in flames. My throat hitched, and I couldn't breathe. My heart felt heavy. Tears fell from my face, but I couldn't feel them. This was goodbye. Soon, my parents and their comrades and friends would soon be ashes, people I grew up with, some that I did not. I mostly thought of the soldiers' families. You could hear their screams as the putrid, acrid smell of burning flesh filled the air. I felt pressure on my shoulder. I looked over to see that Levi had placed his hand on my shoulder as if to comfort me. I could tell that he was holding back tears, but for a different reason._

 _"Levi," I started again, "how did you get through Isabel's and Farlan's deaths?"_

 _"I haven't," he said gruffly, but I knew it was to hide the sadness in his voice. "I still think about them a lot, but there is nothing I can do to bring them back, so I try not to dwell on it."_

 _I remember the brief time that Isabel and Farlan were here. It was when Levi first came. They were all together—best friends from the underground city, but they had an unbreakable bond between them. They were hoodlums, I guess you could say. I heard that it was very rough underground. They just did what they had to to survive. However, they always dreamed of reaching the surface. One day, there was a man who decided to strike a deal with the trio. He said that all they had to do was retrieve a document from Erwin and then kill him, and they would then have citizenship on the surface. They agreed. They stole some food later that day and were caught by the Survey Corps. They all had the choice to either join or to be taken in to the Military Police where they would then receive their punishments for all of their crimes. They decided to join the Survey Corps, but not for the reason that Erwin was thinking of. During an expedition that the three went on, it started to rain. They decided then that it would be the perfect time to lay out their plans to get the document and kill Erwin. Levi was going to go on his own and catch up with Isabel and Farlan afterward. The plan never carried out. Levi came face to face with Isabel's head. Her body had been eaten by a Titan. Farlan's body received the same gruesome end as my father's. Erwin then came up and told Levi that he knew about the plan all along, and told him that he would regret it if he were to kill him. Levi chose to do right and not kill Erwin and to stay in the Survey Corps._

 _Isabel was kind to me, and so was Farlan. They treated me like family. Macon tended to stay away from the bunch, because, supposedly, they scared him. Levi thought I was a nuisance and just a bratty fourteen-year-old, but there were some moments that he showed that he really did care about me. Those moments passed quickly though, and soon enough, we would be bickering again. But after Isabel and Farlan were killed, he avoided me for a while—about two years really because he thought that I told Erwin about their mission. I finally cornered Levi and gave him an ear full. He then slowly began to talk to me again. It wasn't until about four months ago that he and I became friends again. Things finally got back to normal between the two of us, and I hope that it will stay that way._

 _I started this journal diary thing because I don't want to just be other people's memories after I die. I want other people to know what my life was like from my perspective, not just what they know about me. My parents' deaths got me thinking about that. Neither of them had a journal that they kept. All there are is letters, and they didn't say much. The letters didn't give out their true thoughts and feelings, but I think my journal will do just that. After I die, I want my kids to have something to look back on me with. I also think that this journal is the only thing that will keep me sane, especially in the years to come. I plan on going to talk to Erwin tomorrow to get me into training so I can join the Survey Corps. I talked to Macon about it earlier, and I think he wants to do the same thing. Who knows. But whatever happens, it will all be kept here in this little leather bound book. Maybe the city will get demolished by Titans, and it will be left in the rubble, and a few hundred—maybe even a thousand years from now, someone can find it. They will read it and be transported into the past and know first-hand what it was like as someone from this time._

 _-Charli Jaeger_


	2. Journal Entry: 2

Journal Entry: Two

September 4, 842

I decided to post-pone asking Erwin about training until tomorrow. There is just so much to do around the house, like going through Mom and Dad's things. Plus, Hanji's birthday is tomorrow, so I will be over at HQ anyway.

Damn. I still haven't bought her a present yet. Just another thing to add to my to-do list. I guess I will go after lunch or something.

Hopefully, Macon will tag along, but last I checked on him, he was laying in our parents' bed, wide awake and still. It's like all the energy and life had just been drained from his body and soul. I'm kind of worried about him. If he doesn't perk up a little within the next couple of days, I may have to get Uncle Grisha. He may be able to lift his spirits up some or at least prescribe some medicine to help Macon feel better. I just hope that it will not have to lead to that. I realize that I have Eren and Aunt Carla and Uncle Grisha, but losing them wouldn't be the same as if I lost Macon. I mean, hell, he and I shared very close quarters for almost nine months. Like I said before, he and I are very close. Right now, my feelings are down in the dumps, simply because Macon's are, too. I hate to see my brother hurt this way; it makes me feel even worse, one reason is he hurts so bad, and I don't hurt enough. I wish I could feel more of my own sorrow for my parents' deaths, but I just can't. I'm partly numb, partly sad, and part of me just tells me to let go, that whatever I do I can't get them back. I try to put on a slightly happy face, simply for Macon's sake. I don't know if we just deal with sadness differently or that he just hurts more because he was closer to Mom and Dad. Either way, he's in pain, and I don't know what to do. I'm going to go make breakfast for him; hopefully, he'll eat. After that, I've got to start on sorting out Mom and Dad's belongings.

I made him some breakfast and sat it on the nightstand before I started going through things. I had worked on it for an hour, and he still had not touched his food or moved. I tried to coax him to eat at least something, even if were just a piece of toast. Still, nothing. Not a muscle. I played with his scraggly hair as I laid next to him.

"It's going to be okay," I whispered to him. "We're going to make it through this." I pressed my forehead into his back as tears began to slowly slide down the side of my face and onto the white sheets. "We've still got each other," I croaked. "Brother and sister, we will always be by each others' side, just like we always have." I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a hug. I felt him move. I looked up, and he was turning around to face me. He hugged back and rested his chin on my head.

"Like always," he whispered. He was silent for a moment. "Charli, whatever happens in life, just make sure you die after me."

"W-why?"

"I don't think I could handle losing you, little sis. Losing Mom and Dad was hard enough, but losing you would hurt tenfold. Your my best friend, even though you are annoying."

"Hey!" I said and punched him lightly.

"But, yeah, if you die, who would I go for when I need help?"

"Hopefully your future wife," I said.

"But what if it's about her, and I need girl advice?"

"I guess you would be on your own then."

"That's why I need you."

"For girl advice?"

"And for everything else, Charli. You're my family, and I need you. Especially now. We need each other."

I stayed quiet, but nodded.

We were both silent for a while. We both just laid there, reminiscing our parents and thinking about how much we missed them. Each time one of us shed another tear, the other would hug just a little bit harder.

"Do you still want to go to Hanji's party?" I asked. "You don't have to go if you don't feel up to it."

"Yeah," he said. "I'm just not in a party mood. I'll probably stay here and finish going through their things."

"I can stay here if you want me to. I'm sure Hanji would understand."

"No," he interjected. "Go. You've been wanting to go. Plus, it will take your mind off of everything for a little while."

"You need cheering up, too."

"I'll be fine." He sighed. "Going through their things will help me sort out my thoughts and give me closure."

"Okay," I said, slipping out of his brotherly grip and getting up. "But if you need anything at all, get the neighbors, and I'm sure they will send a kid over to get me."

"Charli, quit worrying. I'm not going to break down."

"Do you promise?"

"I promise," he said. "Now, quit annoying me."

I rolled my eyes at him and blew my shoulder-length bangs out of my face. "Do you want me to re-heat your breakfast?"

"No. I've got it. You go get dressed, because I know you need to go to town and buy Hanji's gift."

"Yeah. I do. I cut more wood while you were over at Uncle Grisha's yesterday. It's right outside the back door."

"Okay. Thanks."

I walked out of the room and into mine and shut the door. I opened the closet door and was greeted with a large pile of clothes. Whether they were clean or dirty, I did not know. As far as I'm concerned, if it doesn't smell bad or have stains, it's clean.

I don't really like to do laundry. It requires me to go down to the creek many times to fill up the tub, haul in wood, light a fire, wait for the water to heat, and then wash my clothes in scalding water.

The whole process takes up half a day, sometimes longer, and I end up with burnt hands. I hate laundry.

I remember when I was little, Mom and Dad used to live in the house since Macon and I were too young to live by ourselves. And every Sunday was laundry day, because Sunday was the only day Mom and Dad had days off from training to get ready for future expeditions. She would make all of us take a large gunnysack and fill it up with our clothes. The sack would become so heavy, especially in the winter time when we wore three times as many clothes. Dad would sometimes have to help me and Macon carry them outside to Mom. Dad would then bring a stack of wood to the washbasin while Macon and I ran back and forth to the brook carrying pails of water. Once the water was heated, Mom would sit and scrub our clothes. Sometimes, I would go out there and help her, just to be with her. I would sit by her, and she would tell me stories about what was going on at HQ and what crazy things some of the members of the Scouting Legion would do. I would sit there and soak up every single word she spoke. Her voice was like a melody. It was so soft and caring. And her scent. She always smelled of warm vanilla and brown sugar. It was so sweet, and even though the scent of the soap from the washbasin was strong, her scent was even stronger. Shirt after shirt. Pant after pant. She would continue washing until everything was done. Then, finally, she would take both her and Dad's cloak and dunk them in there. She would let them sit for a spell while she went inside to make lunch. I sat by the washbasin and looked at the pretty green cloaks and imagined myself fighting Titans beyond the walls and out into the unknown.

A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts. "Aren't you gone yet?" came Macon's voice.

"Uh, yeah, I'll be out in a second," I said back.

I grabbed a dress from off the top of the pile, stripped down, and quickly put it on. I would wear some pants and a shirt, but that would lead to strange looks in the market place. It seems that only when you are in the Military Police, Garrison, or Scouting Legion, are you then allowed to be a girl and wear pants at the same time.

I grabbed my hairbrush and ran threw my hair, getting knots out. I blew on my hand to smell my breath. Yep. Needed a good ol' brushing.

It was at least five more minutes before I walked out of my room. I doubled checked to make sure I had money in the pocket of my dress. Once I was sure I did, I kept walking.

"Macon, I'm going. Call the neighbors if you need anything," I called out and walked out the door.

I walked for about fifteen minutes before I came to the outskirts of the market. It was quite busy. People walked around, shop clerks tried to keep up with the customers, people with wheelbarrows walked through the streets and in between potential shoppers, kids ran around. It was quite the scene, but it was beautiful. They all seemed carefree, like death and sorrow was just a figment of the dark imagination. It made me smile, but my heart pinged with sadness. I pushed it away and started looking at the many things on display at the different booths. There were fruits and fish and jewelry and dresses and weaponry. They had a little bit of everything out here, but finding something for Hanji was going to be difficult all the same. Even though I consider her a close friend, she is impossible to shop for. It is all Titans, Titans, Titans, for her. I walked around some more, trying to find the perfect gift.

After a short while of looking, a savory smell filled the air. My stomach rumbled. I realized that I hadn't eaten all day, even though I did make breakfast. I passed by a food stand, and looked at the options. There were meat and veggie kabobs, some wrapped sandwiches of various kinds, and candies. I decided on a ham sandwich for myself and two bags of taffy, one for Macon and one for Hanji (even though she really doesn't need the extra sugar). I was pulling out my money to pay when a voice from beside me said, "I've got it."

I looked beside myself to see Levi. "Thanks, Levi, but, really, I have money. I can buy it myself."

"Yeah, well, you still have to have some money left to buy Hanji a gift." He handed the vendor some money and started walking. I followed him.

"I-I've gotten her a gift already," I lied.

"That's bullshit, and you know it, Jaeger. Everyone knows that you wait until the last minute to do something."

I stuck my cheek out in slight aggravation. "How dare you utter a false accusation against me,

Levi Ackerman! I have been nothing but nice to you since the start, and now you call me a procrastinator?" I proclaimed.

Levi sighed.

He generally does this when I play around like that or use sarcasm. I don't think he understands sarcasm or anything of that nature. I think all the black tea he drinks screws with his brain or something.

"Look," he said, "I haven't gotten anything for her yet, either, so let's just take a look around together. And close that mouth. You'll catch flies." He stalked off.

I closed my mouth, which had originally been in open due to surprise. Levi never procrastinated! I followed next to him, and I started into my sandwich.

"So, what are you thinking about getting her?" I asked after I had swallowed a bite.

"I was originally thinking jewelry. Girls like jewelry, right?"

"Yeah, but you only get a girl jewelry if you like her unless you're a girl. If you are a girl getting another girl a present, you cam get her anything, but if you are a guy buying her a present, you have to be careful. Some gifts can send messages."

"Messages?"

"Yes, like jewelry. It basically says, 'I like you a lot. Be my girlfriend?'"

"But I don't like her like that."

"So, you don't get her jewelry."

"Well, what were you thinking then, Ms. Know-it-all?"

"I don't know! The girl is hard to shop for!"

"Ah. But according to you, you can get her anything."

"So!"

"So, that means you should know what to get her, and if not, just pick up something."

"I'm not going to not put thought into my friend's gift, Levi. I may procrastinate, but that's only because waiting until the last minute helps me think better, believe it or not?"

"You think? You actually have a brain?"

"Of course I have a brain!"

I crossed my arms, balling up the now empty sandwich wrapper. Levi gave out a short laugh.

"What's so funny, Ackerman?"

"Your parents died just yesterday, but yet you act like they never died at all."

"I deal with grief differently than everyone else, okay. I do miss them. A lot actually. So don't say that I don't feel pain, too." I walked faster to keep him from seeing my tears.

One simply does not cry in front of Levi Ackerman outside of a mass funeral.

"Girls," he muttered under his breath. He spoke up louder. "Let's just find something for Four-Eyes, and get it over with."

I wiped a tear away and looked over my shoulder. "Okay. Let's go," I said in a lightly saddened tone.

I started walking, and I heard Levi walking after me. After a moment, I didn't hear him behind me anymore. I turned around to find him at a jewelry stand. I walked up to him and asked, "I thought you didn't like her. Were you lying to me?"

"No," he said. "It's for someone else."

"Who, if you don't mind my asking?"

"I do mind, and if you pester me about it, you may wake up the next morning in a hospital."

I note the seriousness in his voice, and questioned no more. I honestly think that he bought it for Petra. That girl has had a crush on Levi since day one.

He paid the vendor who then wrapped the necklace in a little box. Once Levi had the necklace in his possession, we continued walking. A moment later, I saw a wood carving station.

"Levi, look!" I grabbed a hold of his hand and dragged him to it. "Maybe we can get him to carve a Titan out of a piece of wood! Hanji loves Titans, and since we can't get her a real one, why don't we get her a little figurine instead?"

"But you've never seen a Titan before," he said.

"Okay? And? You have! So, you could describe it, I could sketch it, and he could carve it!"

"I guess that makes sense. How much money do you have?"

"A dollar-fifty. I've been saving up for a couple of months."

"Okay. I've got a dollar-thirty-eight. That should be enough to get it."

"Alright!" I ran up to the booth where a slightly burly man sat behind it. "Hi. Excuse me," I said. "I was wondered if you did customized carvings."

"I sure do, young lady. What would you like carved?"

"Got a piece of paper and a pencil?"

While Levi dictated, I drew, and a few minutes later, we had a drawing ready for the man.

"When is the earliest you can get it done?" Levi asked.

"Well, business is a little slow right now, so I don't have much to do, so I would say about, ah, tomorrow morning, noon at the latest."

"How much do we owe you?"

"You don't have to pay me anything, sweetheart. It's on me."

"Thank you, sir!" I said cheerfully.

All in all, today was decent. It had its ups and downs, but no day is truly perfect. Now if only I could find out who Levi is giving that necklace to.

-Charli Jaeger


End file.
